An Open Letter to Churches

I’m done playing games with pastors. As mentioned in my previous posts, I’m a massive poker degen and I can smell your faithfulness without you uttering a single word from our conversations.

If you received a box of theological nuclear bombs from me or will be receiving them from me this year then you have one Christmas to read scripture and fix your faith, unless you want your cleaning bill to go up next year. Don’t make me pull out my drone.

Don’t think this letter is only for churches in the United Kingdom either, once I receive my third passport, my passport combo beats the best passport in the world in terms of visa-free access. We will pay you a visit at an hour you do not expect.

I better see some views on my posts go up this Christmas and get some free coffee. My insanity is inversely proportional to the number of coffee people buy me.

Consider this a warning and the fig trees’ cleaning bills are going up for sure.

I strongly advise you to add balloons and helium to your Amazon shopping cart this winter.

For Love and Devotion,

From Your Fellow Servant,

Jonah Troublemaker Yang

Luke 18:8

Edit: add hyperlinks and update signature.