On Cost-benefit Analysis
I attended an event yesterday called Tea With Your MP. I downed several cups of coffee, which are considered luxury goods for me nowadays. It has been weeks since I had my favourite vanilla latte with coconut milk.
I spent two and a half hours teaching secondary school students at my table how to cheat their A-Level exams by building up muscle memory using past papers and mark schemes. I also shared my concerns about Artificial Intelligence on both the economic impact and national security. My local representative in parliament has done his homework on the subject, and he used the example of the Great Horse Manure Crisis of 1894 in London to reassure me that there was no need to panic. I responded bitterly with the throw-the-dice and see who was right in the end analogy. I was not brave enough to pull out the I-have-confirmation-from-the-Holy-Spirit card since my local MP took his Oath on a JPS Bible.
If this was the old me, I would have called it a day and told myself not to worry too much since I most likely got it wrong. And I should leave the matter to people who know what they are doing. I also asked if there was a chance to volunteer for events since I enjoyed being a bad influence and teaching secondary students how to cheat, as well as bitching and moaning about the Home Office caseworkers with other local constituents who are also first-generation immigrants.
I felt somewhat deflated after the event and wondered whether I had indeed gone batshit crazy given my recent pattern of behaviour and how understandably it could be interpreted as such by anyone who does not bother with the context. I asked the Lord for guidance on my walk back home.
Earlier this morning, I got rather annoyed again when I was in the shower doing unspeakable things. The following cost-benefit analysis appeared in my head.
If I got it wrong, what is the worst-case scenario? I become a laughing stock and maybe get my 30 seconds of fame by shouting God and love at the world. Boss Man would take up residence in a handful of minds for 30 seconds. I am already 90% there on being a laughing stock.
If I got it right, then I keep my clear conscience before God when shit hits the fan, and I get to say bitch, I told you so.
The annoying part? I realised He set me up by giving me the thought experiment to test pastors and theologians. And I already made my choice when I pulled that stunt in mainland China last October.
I do not know what Jonah’s vow was, but I know what my vow was.
I need to expose myself a bit more.
Jonah 2
Jonah’s Prayer
[1] Then Jonah prayed to the LORD his God from the belly of the fish, [2] saying,
“I called out to the LORD, out of my distress,
and he answered me;
out of the belly of Sheol I cried,
and you heard my voice.
[3] For you cast me into the deep,
into the heart of the seas,
and the flood surrounded me;
all your breakers and your waves
passed over me.
[4] Then I said, ‘I am driven away
from your sight;
yet I shall again look
upon your holy temple.’
[5] The waters closed in over me to take my life;
the deep surrounded me;
weeds were wrapped about my head.
[6] To the roots of the mountains I went down,
to the land whose bars closed upon me forever.
Yet you brought up my life from the pit,
O LORD my God.
[7] When my life was fainting away,
I remembered the LORD,
and my prayer came to you,
into your holy temple.
[8] Those who pay regard to vain idols
forsake their hope of steadfast love.
[9] But I with the voice of thanksgiving
will sacrifice to you;
what I have vowed I will pay.
Salvation belongs to the LORD!”
[10] And the LORD spoke to the fish, and it vomited Jonah out upon the dry land. (ESV)
Isaiah 64:1–7
[1] Oh that you would rend the heavens and come down,
that the mountains might quake at your presence—
[2] as when fire kindles brushwood
and the fire causes water to boil—
to make your name known to your adversaries,
and that the nations might tremble at your presence!
[3] When you did awesome things that we did not look for,
you came down, the mountains quaked at your presence.
[4] From of old no one has heard
or perceived by the ear,
no eye has seen a God besides you,
who acts for those who wait for him.
[5] You meet him who joyfully works righteousness,
those who remember you in your ways.
Behold, you were angry, and we sinned;
in our sins we have been a long time, and shall we be saved?
[6] We have all become like one who is unclean,
and all our righteous deeds are like a polluted garment.
We all fade like a leaf,
and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away.
[7] There is no one who calls upon your name,
who rouses himself to take hold of you;
for you have hidden your face from us,
and have made us melt in the hand of our iniquities. (ESV)