On Defeat

If I am honest with myself, I have come to the end of trying my stupid ways; nothing has seemed to work except to bring me shame and humiliation. I spent the entire week in bed feeling utterly drained and looking at the wreckage that is my life, despite my desire to clean up my mess, I could not find a single ounce of strength after everyone turned their backs on me. I could not comprehend why they decided to take all that I had left after giving them all I could with the best of intentions. I searched my heart and soul and concluded that the only thing I could do was forgive and move on. The shame and humiliation in my defeat make letting go easier said than done, but it is my only viable option, considering how little I still have.

Frankly, I do not know how I have developed such a severe saviour complex since reading the Book of Jonah for the first time less than 20 weeks ago. I was doing fine keeping to myself for the first 27 years of my life and not interested in this saving the world business except by giving as much spare change as I had in my pocket whenever I passed a homeless person—time to sort out my shit before trying to help anyone I guess.

His ways, not mine.

Edit: It turns out this is me 🤡. I have tried being Jonah Troublemaker Yang, which has brought me enough trouble. That is a sure sign from the Lord telling me that I should return to being who I was, but I stand by my concerns regarding the danger of Artificial Intelligence and will put my money where my mouth is once I start making them again. Also, I need to find two witnesses again for my name change deed poll. 🥲

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Isaiah 49:4

[4] But I said, “I have labored in vain;
        I have spent my strength for nothing and vanity;
yet surely my right is with the LORD,
        and my recompense with my God.” (ESV)

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