On Love
In the last couple of days, my Chinese missionary guide has stopped responding to my messages. Based on the sentiment of our latest messages, I can tell my welcoming party, which the Lord prepared for me in the UK 11.5 years ago, is starting to withdraw. I read the following passages from 2 Thessalonians yesterday.
2 Thessalonians 2:1–12
The Man of Lawlessness
[1] Now concerning the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ and our being gathered together to him, we ask you, brothers, [2] not to be quickly shaken in mind or alarmed, either by a spirit or a spoken word, or a letter seeming to be from us, to the effect that the day of the Lord has come. [3] Let no one deceive you in any way. For that day will not come, unless the rebellion comes first, and the man of lawlessness is revealed, the son of destruction, [4] who opposes and exalts himself against every so-called god or object of worship, so that he takes his seat in the temple of God, proclaiming himself to be God. [5] Do you not remember that when I was still with you I told you these things? [6] And you know what is restraining him now so that he may be revealed in his time. [7] For the mystery of lawlessness is already at work. Only he who now restrains it will do so until he is out of the way. [8] And then the lawless one will be revealed, whom the Lord Jesus will kill with the breath of his mouth and bring to nothing by the appearance of his coming. [9] The coming of the lawless one is by the activity of Satan with all power and false signs and wonders, [10] and with all wicked deception for those who are perishing, because they refused to love the truth and so be saved. [11] Therefore God sends them a strong delusion, so that they may believe what is false, [12] in order that all may be condemned who did not believe the truth but had pleasure in unrighteousness. (ESV)
As alluded to multiple times in my previous posts, epistemologically there are only three things that I know. He exists, He loves me, and I exist, in that precise order of precedence. And before my welcoming party bashes me again for using pronouns, He is my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, whose last known appearance on earth was around 2,000 years ago. Besides that, everything else is a belief that can be subject to doubt and reasoning. I picture my knowledge system as a tree, and each new branch is rooted in one or more branches. Each branch has a variable belief probability that indicates my confidence when understanding the world through the fruits of that branch. My root branch was drifting in the sea of knowledge after reading Descartes’ Meditations on First Philosophy during COVID-19 and nearly got burnt in the fire that is existentialism, nihilism and antinatalism. Six months ago, He came and firmly attached my root to the vine that is my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.
After getting kicked out of the gay/bi-sexual naturist campsite Rosebay in late July last year, I felt His love for the first time when standing on Oxford Street in central London one evening. I checked my WhatsApp messages and Amazon order history. I placed the order for my first Holy Bible after that evening. I realised the reason why it hurt that much was because I loved everyone at the campsite and getting kicked out smashed my heart into pieces. And after picking a fight with nature for three months, I also loved nature and all the new interests and possibilities I started to explore. I asked myself how much I love and using the equation of love I derived at age 16, I realised I was willing to take a bullet for any stranger that was walking past me that evening. That was the precise moment I felt His love for the first time.
My welcoming party taught me quite early on that regardless of what I do with the Holy Spirit and spiritual gifts, I should do it with love, faith and hope, and love always comes first. In case there is any doubt, the equation of love is the greatest amount of sacrifice one is willing to make.
I have been searching my heart and soul ever since getting kicked out of Rosebay. Despite my entire world turning on me in my early teenage years, Rosebay and now, I believe I gave more than I took in this life. The only other possibility that I can think of is I have successfully deceived myself, in which case I deserve burning in hell for eternity and I will accept any judgment He has for me regardless. I will leave judgement to Him, it’s too heavy a task for a mere servant like me and I’m just gonna get the homecoming party ready.
I will see you at sunrise.
Hebrews 11:1–3
By Faith
[1] Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. [2] For by it the people of old received their commendation. [3] By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible. (ESV)
Romans 1:16–17
The Righteous Shall Live by Faith
[16] For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. [17] For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith for faith, as it is written, “The righteous shall live by faith.” (ESV)
Galatians 2:16
[16] yet we know that a person is not justified by works of the law but through faith in Jesus Christ, so we also have believed in Christ Jesus, in order to be justified by faith in Christ and not by works of the law, because by works of the law no one will be justified. (ESV)
Mark 11:20–25
The Lesson from the Withered Fig Tree
[20] As they passed by in the morning, they saw the fig tree withered away to its roots. [21] And Peter remembered and said to him, “Rabbi, look! The fig tree that you cursed has withered.” [22] And Jesus answered them, “Have faith in God. [23] Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him. [24] Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. [25] And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.” (ESV)
Matthew 17:19–20
[19] Then the disciples came to Jesus privately and said, “Why could we not cast it out?” [20] He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.” (ESV)
2 Corinthians 5:6–10
[6] So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, [7] for we walk by faith, not by sight. [8] Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord. [9] So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him. [10] For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil. (ESV)
Glorious - Song by Macklemore
[Verse 1: Macklemore]
You know I’m back, like I never left (I never left)
Another sprint, another step (Another step)
Another day, another breath (Another breath)
Been chasing dreams, but I never slept (I never slept)
I got a new attitude and a lease on life and some peace of mind
Seek and I find, I can sleep when I die
Want a piece of the pie, grab the keys to the ride
And shit I’m straight, I’m on my wave, I’m on my wave
Get out my wake, I’m running late, what can I say?
I heard you die twice, once when they bury you in the grave
And the second time is the last time that somebody mentions your name
So when I leave here on this earth, did I take more than I gave?
Did I look out for the people, or did I do it all for fame?
Legend, it’s exodus, searching for euphoria
Trudging through the mud to find the present, no ignoring us
Got 20,000 deep off in the street like we some warriors
My mama told me never bow your head, woo
[Chorus: Skylar Grey]
I feel glorious, glorious
Got a chance to start again
I was born for this, born for this
It’s who I am, how could I forget?
I made it through the darkest part of the night
And now I see the sunrise
Now I feel glorious, glorious
I feel glorious, glorious
[Verse 2: Macklemore]
I’m feeling glorious
The crib looking Victorian (Oh yes it is)
You know that we been going in (Been going in)
Since we hopped out that DeLorean (DeLorean, yeah we win)
En garde, things are just things, they don’t make you who you are
Can’t pack up a U-Haul and take it with you when you’re gone
We posted on the porch, my family’s glasses to the stars
My grandma smiling down on me like “Woo, that boy got bars”
Okay, okay, yes I do
I said amen and hallelujah, let me testify too
Another morning, a morning, won’t let self get in my way
I got my breath, I got my faith and I remember why I came, woo
[Chorus: Skylar Grey]
I feel glorious, glorious
Got a chance to start again
I was born for this, born for this
It’s who I am, how could I forget?
I made it through the darkest part of the night
And now I see the sunrise
Now I feel glorious, glorious
I feel glorious, glorious
[Bridge: Skylar Grey]
We gon’ be alright, put that on my life
When I open my eyes, hope I see you shine
We’re planting a flag, they don’t understand
The world is up for grabs (Hey, hey, hey)
We gon’ be alright, put that on my life
When I open my eyes, hope I see you shine
We’re planting a flag, they don’t understand
The world is up for grabs (Hey, hey, hey)
[Chorus: Skylar Grey]
I feel glorious, glorious
Got a chance to start again
I was born for this, born for this
It’s who I am, how could I forget?
I made it through the darkest part of the night
And now I see the sunrise
Now I feel glorious, glorious
I feel glorious, glorious