On My Language
In the first 27 years of my life, I barely murmured any of the strong language I used in my recent 246 posts in front of anyone who knew me personally. Despite the countless suggestions from people I respect to tone down the language, I decided to keep the good, the bad, and the ugly due to the fakeness I discovered in this 122-day journey of faith.
The week after getting kicked out of the gay/bi-naturist campsite Rosebay, I could barely speak a complete sentence, and I had to take extremely long pauses every couple of words when I was talking to my parents over video calls. My mind was spinning at 1,000% capacity for nearly an entire month, and I replayed everything in my mind for those three months at the campsite. I altered every possible variable my mind could remember to discover what went wrong and how the ethical thought experiment I designed during COVID came true in real life.
I lived in extreme horror daily because I realised we could never honestly know people’s true intentions. I will discuss the ethical thought experiment in detail in a future post, but as a consequence, I thought I had become like the infamous Austrian artist who made a name for himself in the first half of the last century. My entire moral system got blown to pieces and the only way that I could think of to prove my innocence was suicide. Not long after, He welcomed me into His house through Flo Rida’s song - My House.
He told me to say what I must and don’t hold back. I decided to do as told since only a handful of people from my past still read and reply to my messages. Does anyone still make real shit in this world? I will still be polite when conversing with people since I consider that an essential principle for a decent human being. However, I will call you a motherfucker and a cunt if you are behaving like a motherfucker and a cunt.
Throughout this journey, I was dumbfounded every time I cornered a “rational” “thinker” with reason. They would give up their entire reasoning faculty by metaphorically digging a hole and burying their heads in it. As mentioned in my posts, I was an agnostic before this journey. I had no evidence for or against God’s existence, and if God exists, God’s business is God’s business; I’m human, and I mind my own business. Then some God damned ungrateful motherfuckers decided to fuck with the first holiday I took for myself after I gave them full-site WiFi coverage for free. I still don’t know how much I spent at the campsite today. For the last 6 months, the people I once thought would lend a helping hand when needed wouldn’t even spare a coffee.
I was extremely puzzled as to why the “rational” “thinkers” had such difficulty even remotely contemplating the possibility of God’s existence. For me, it was the single most comforting and reassuring piece of knowledge that I learned in life. And a reminder: four undergraduate degrees in mathematics, computer science, modern ballet, physics, and philosophy in the last decade. I could not comprehend why the existence of a righteous God was such bad news to them.
Earlier this morning, I had the most terrifying hypothesis I had ever come up with, which sent me straight into denial. The hypothesis providing a plausible explanation for the puzzles above was not enough to cause me such distress after everything that happened in the last 15 months. The terror comes from Matthew 10:34-36 and 25:32. On top of that, the claim itself will make one claiming to be the messiah look like a child’s play in comparison.
The magnitude of the potential implications warrants the bombardment of modest scholars in the field of psychology, and I will visit the scribes and Pharisees by entering through the front door this time. I have nothing left to prove to men. On the contrary, I must admit with guilt that I could not wait to watch the most majestic show unfold while enjoying a couple of Long Island Ice Tea and the symphony of weeping and gnashing of teeth.
Not long ago, a “thinker” on LinkedIn compared theology to the study of fairy tales and unicorns when I tried to discuss rationally with them. As a 122-day believer, I had only an undergraduate education and had taken zero theology classes. Therefore, it would be most inappropriate to comment on the similarities between theology and fairy tales. I could only offer the observation that there are entire institutions in the city I visited last week dedicated to studying a collection of books written millennia ago. The only adjective I could come up with to describe humanity’s best-seller since getting my first one at the end of July last year is magic.
I will remain silent on the hypothesis until I have sufficient weaponry to corner “rational” “thinkers”. Until that day, I will leave you with a cliffhanger/spoiler.
In the unlikely event that the hypothesis is true, the evil of cosmic scale would be right in front of our very eyes, and people to whom salvation is possible would be running to Boss Man at full speed without much evangelical effort needed.
Here is a final closing thought: Many of the decades-long devout Christ bros/sisses I met in the last 122 days were highly puzzled when I told them I didn’t know anyone in my life who talked about Jesus, except that time 11 years ago before I arrived in the United Kingdom. I thought dude was a religious nutjob back then. All I did was dramatically ask - could we bring God back in my heart after getting kicked out of the campsite? And placed an order for a humanity’s best seller on Amazon. What is He trying to say about you and your heart? Knowing that, unlike people, He truly sees is my ultimate source of comfort in the recent trials and persecutions.
Enjoy, and God bless.
Proverbs 26:27
[27] Whoever digs a pit will fall into it,
and a stone will come back on him who starts it rolling. (ESV)
Jeremiah 17:10
[10] “I the LORD search the heart
and test the mind,
to give every man according to his ways,
according to the fruit of his deeds.” (ESV)
Matthew 11:19
[19] The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Look at him! A glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’ Yet wisdom is justified by her deeds.” (ESV)
John 3:16–21
For God So Loved the World
[16] “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. [17] For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. [18] Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God. [19] And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. [20] For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed. [21] But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in God.” (ESV)
