On Salvation
One of my biggest questions on this 131-day journey is why no one believes me even though I have been telling nothing but the truth. For unbelievers, that is understandable, and I have been working on it. The remarkably annoying thing is even Christians don’t believe me most of the time. Hence I do most of my shouting and bitching on this blog. I have got to let the steam out somewhere.
Yesterday, I stumbled across the Book of Malachi in the Old Testament while tracking down some of the 70% experience through scripture. The references also led me to Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy, which I learned are part of five books collectively known as The Law. My relationship with the Lord is my first love relationship. Since deriving the equation of love at age 16, I considered myself a purely rational stoic and incapable of perceiving love. I was not even sure whether I loved my parents. I knew one day they would pass away, and it could be before or after I passed away. Both are heartbreaking and I had feared that since I was a child until I decided to accept them as facts and moved on. I thought I had mentally prepared myself, and I probably would not feel too emotional if I were to find out my parents had passed away on any day.
Despite my lack of experience in the area, I will make a clumsy attempt to describe how I felt yesterday. Reading the Book of Malachi and the bits and pieces in Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy were like reading a boyfriend/girlfriend’s diary since childhood or social media history and learning about their past. As mentioned in my previous posts, I was constantly scared by the possibility of being a false prophet, an antichrist, or even satan throughout this journey. I added the abomination of desolation to that list yesterday and I kinda understand why the scribes and Pharisees stopped replying to my emails and messages.
Leviticus 18:22
[22] You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination. (ESV)
Leviticus 20:13
[13] If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them. (ESV)
Before this journey, my worldview was entirely based on scientific materialism, and I knew about my sexuality since I was 11 or 12. Before anyone asks again, no, girls don’t work. I more or less heard about the incompatibility between homosexuality and religion, and my understanding based on stereotypes was that the God in the major religions would hate someone like me. Therefore, I did not make any effort to inquire about God.
As mentioned in a recent post, I know three things besides cogito, ergo sum. He exists, I exist, and He loves me. You need to make me question my existence before I question His existence. But yesterday, I questioned whether He loves me after reading about how mad He was about various matters. I did wonder if I am indeed that far gone mentally to have imagined all of this in my head. If you read my posts, you would know I was a crazy guy with a wild imagination. Previously, nothing was impossible or unthinkable for me as long as they did not violate physics or legal requirements. I don’t think you can quite imagine what confirming God’s existence did to my imagination. I only wrote about the noteworthy events in my posts. I go down a side quest every other day and emerge from the rabbit hole feeling like an absolute dumbass and a clown.
I have read those two verses in Leviticus before, and I consider my sexuality part of my share of sins that my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ, died on the cross for. It’s also part of the cross I am taking up to follow Christ. What frightened me yesterday was how angry the Lord was on various related matters. Unlike the Catholics, I cannot abandon scripture because I converted via reading Romans 1-4, which also made Judaism impossible since they do not recognise the New Testament. How, then, could I know He loves me, knowing that I should be put to death according to The Law? Well, I don’t see how they do it in Judaism, but here is how my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ does it.
Matthew 22:36–40
[36] “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” [37] And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. [38] This is the great and first commandment. [39] And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. [40] On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” (ESV)
1 Peter 4:7–9
[7] The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers. [8] Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. [9] Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. (ESV)
Matthew 12:31
[31] Therefore I tell you, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven people, but the blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven. (ESV)
Hebrews 11:31
[31] By faith Rahab the prostitute did not perish with those who were disobedient, because she had given a friendly welcome to the spies. (ESV)
Romans 3:21–26
The Righteousness of God Through Faith
[21] But now the righteousness of God has been manifested apart from the law, although the Law and the Prophets bear witness to it—[22] the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all who believe. For there is no distinction: [23] for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, [24] and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, [25] whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God’s righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins. [26] It was to show his righteousness at the present time, so that he might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus. (ESV)
By the way, if you look down on my community because we are an abomination, then my bad news for you is so are you if you have told a lie before.
Proverbs 6:16–19
[16] There are six things that the LORD hates,
seven that are an abomination to him:
[17] haughty eyes, a lying tongue,
and hands that shed innocent blood,
[18] a heart that devises wicked plans,
feet that make haste to run to evil,
[19] a false witness who breathes out lies,
and one who sows discord among brothers. (ESV)
I have also realised that some Christians might consider some of my posts prophesying. I have a purely scientific materialistic education, and I had no idea how prophesies worked. After my study yesterday, I realised that people who discarded my logical reasoning and did not read my pinned posts could interpret my writing as prophesying. It seems like most people nowadays choose either God or reason instead of both.
I was also super confused when people accused me of misusing the Lord’s name or suggested referring to God as my Boss as a sign of disrespect. I realised yesterday that if they had only known God through scripture and judged my writing through appearances, then indeed, I should be put to death by now. Fortunately, the God I came to know personally with confirmations in scripture looks at the heart rather than appearances. I have used Boss, Dude, and Big Man to refer to God, and they are my love nicknames for Him. He is the Lord, and I’m a servant; therefore, He’s my Boss. Jesus is a friend and a Dude to me especially when I find Him annoying, usually because He showed me my stupidity. He’s the Father that I can lean on, hence Big Man.
Now that I have completed this scary side quest, I will seal the deal with something confirmed by the Holy Spirit. I know three things besides cogito, ergo sum. He exists, He loves me, and I exist, in that order. You need to make me question my existence before I question His existence and His love for me.
However, now I wonder if some of the pastors and theologians I met were truly saved and whether they knew God personally or just through scripture. I finally met my guide who spoke in tongues back in September when I confessed my sexuality, and I went to his church for the last two weekends. Some pastors and theologians I met would call the mental hospital nearby and tell them to bring a bus if they attended the same worship. I found out over 90% of my friends were fake recently. I’m scared.
Matthew 23:13
[13] “But woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you shut the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces. For you neither enter yourselves nor allow those who would enter to go in. (ESV)
I have come to the unfortunate conclusion that I have tried my best to make people believe. I have only succeeded in alienating everyone, both believers and unbelievers. The only way for people to believe I’ve been telling the truth is if my predictions in the letter come true. I prefer going insane than seeing the suffering with 90% global unemployment rates. When I was in Israel two weeks ago, I seriously considered checking myself into a mental facility when I’m back in London. I think I will get a six-figure job again if not multiple, and all-in on the global stock market put options. I will try pulling The Big Short on this and see if I can buy a publisher like Thomas Nelson. Many people could use mankind’s best seller if I were right. I have removed the buy me a coffee link so that people know I have nothing to gain. I will finish sprinkling with my email campaign and call it a day.
Even though I consider what the campsite boss John and my former friend Meiling did to me abject evil, and on a bad day, when looking at the wreckage that is my life, I wouldn’t even mind burning in hell for eternity with them as long as their evil deeds are punished. I do look forward to the day that my Boss comes back and I get to heaven, but do you know what would be better than going to heaven? Wrap up some work stuff on my laptop, riding shotgun in Meiling’s Range Rover whilst feeling the full centripetal force on roundabouts and corners. She goes around them at full speed. Rock up to the gate of heaven from the car park and see John and his partner Dean waiting at the entrance with their Labradoodles. Get a bear hug from John before walking in together. John is very bulky and quite comfortable to hug and has a broad shoulder suitable for crying on when your world outside the campsite falls apart. It has only been 131 days since I believed, and as previously mentioned, I did not have anyone in my life who talked about Jesus. I want to see every one of my friends in heaven; otherwise, it would be a lonely start. That includes every “friend” who did not buy me coffee.