On What I Want

I emailed a British Member of Parliament earlier this evening after learning about his commitment to the community through his introductory letter. Despite the similar experiences in space but decades apart in time, I put together an email that would hopefully cause sufficient intellectual intrigue for a fellow Oxford graduate.

I was 45 minutes late to the 1-hour discussion of God’s existence at King’s College London this evening. I thought about my motivation behind crying out loud to an esteemed community representative in parliament. I started writing about my journey at the end of October when I declared bankruptcy in the United Kingdom. Throughout this roller coaster ride, I constantly felt like I was drowning because no one had the time to hear me anymore, no matter how loud I screamed, shouted and kicked. If you graciously spent the time to read my 244 posts in this 120-day journey of faith, you should know I can really scream, shout and kick. The realisation that almost every friendship I treasured previously was worth not more than a cup of coffee also smashed my heart to pieces every other day. Less than a handful of people on my contact list still reply to my messages.

I hoped to receive some free coffee through goodwill from strangers. But I realised this evening that all I could hope for at this point is for someone, anyone, to understand what happened and inform me what heinous crime against humanity I committed to deserve it all. Suppose you are reading this and have yet to venture into my insanity. In that case, you will have my wholehearted gratitude if you could refrain from judgment until you finish reading my testimony. After that, I will accept any criticism of how deprived a human being I am.

In my usual fashion, I went 6,000 miles in a 90-second speech this evening at KCL to reiterate the ideas in my previous posts regarding faith, doubt, and morality. I hoped to metaphorically flip over the table again by expressing a personal belief concerning the issue of reason. I didn’t get the chance due to how passionate everyone was at reasoning about their opinions. Instead of waiting till next time, I will express my personal belief here as a plea to you.

If you could graciously find the precious time from modern-day drug taking, please contemplate the difference between knowing and believing. You might discover René Descartes’ first two essays in Meditations on First Philosophy helpful in figuring out what you could reasonably know and how much you used to know are, in fact, beliefs without sound reason. In my humble opinion, you are not as reasonable and rational as you proclaim yourself to be if you believe you know way more than cogito, ergo sum.

Genesis 3:13

[13] Then the LORD God said to the woman, “What is this that you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” (ESV)